home grown stories

IDENTIFY YOURSELF


I think I’m depressed. Or agoraphobic. Or maybe even suffering from GAD.

But I’m not worried, because this always happens to me. I tend to identify with what I’m writing about, because I always write about me.

Let me explain.

I recently picked up a freelance gig requiring I write 30 short articles each about several different medical issues. One of the issues is anxiety and the variety of forms in which it manifests itself.

People with social anxiety disorder don’t want to go out in social situations, don’t like performing in front of others and have anxiety about speaking in public. Well, that’s not me, although I did kind of wince after viewing my last gig on video– that place was enough to scare anyone out of performing. But I know it wasn’t just me, the others had a rough time too. Tough crowd, those ladies auxiliary.

I’ve been a stay-at-home homebody lately, not wanting to leave the dogs out in the cold weather. Is that crazy or what? They’re dogs, they have fur coats, they don’t care if its minus 2 out! For goodness sake, Simon rolls around in the snow like a polar bear! So maybe I’m becoming agoraphobic?

I’ve also begun to think I have OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have this compulsion to eat an entire cheesecake I baked for Christmas, knowing full well that we were going to my son’s house for dinner and dessert was already planned. It called to me from the refrigerator, so I repeated over and over to fight the compulsion, “must stay away from the cheesecake…must stay away from the cheesecake….” Kind of like an obsession, ya know? I did conquer the compulsion though. I froze it. The cheese cake. The sound is muffled and I’m too impatient to wait for it to thaw out.

But when I really think about it, I know I’m as healthy as a horse. Depressed? Nah. Just lazy. Or maybe exhausted. The holidays do that to me, and I know once the tree is down and the decorations put away, I will get back into the swing of things, do my exercises, etc.

Social Anxiety? No, just a bad performance, and the need to focus more on my writing. I can’t have two muses and have to choose between them both. I think the writing will most likely win, but maybe I can get my comedy fix by writing something funny.

Agoraphobic? No, this place is beautiful and sometimes all I need to do is sit in the big room with the wall of windows and watch the lake. Who wouldn’t NOT want to leave that?

I’m really appreciative I was able to pick up this freelance work, because the articles go fast and the subjects are relatively easy to understand. And like I said, I tend to identify with what I’m writing about.

Except, I’m not looking forward to the next medical subject on the list.

Hemorrhoids.

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